trust?

i need to learn how to trust. sometimes its very difficult, you cant force urself to trust and respect others just like that.. its built~ i have 6 days left... if i still cant trust, i dont know how things will be.. it will be bad.. i guess... time and time again.. we talk abt things.. and the next day, its like nth happened.. its kinda tiring thou.. so much happening at this moment.. and time and time again.. the promise was broken.. i am starting to speculate.. i dont know how things will be during the 2 weeks...

i guess i need a miracle...

.tim

290510 - a bad day

unexpectedly. caught off guard.. i've lost my bestest frens.. i guess its ok.. i have myself to blame.. thank you for all you have done for me.. i really appreciate and enjoy being ard u.. sorry for the unhappiness i brought to you.. i can only wish you all the best.. take care.. stay happy and healthy.. i'll miss you.. as my fren.. as my close close close fren...

===

how many are considered your true fren? treasure them..

===

.tim *i'm refraining myself from laying my hands on that silvery shiny thin piece of thing*

260510 - its been draining..

i need a sanctuary to heal these wounds..

to regain my trust and confidence..

to renew my faith..

to paint my rainbow.

to genuinely smile.

.tim *will you make me smile?*

sometimes curiosity is bad

sometimes i just hate myself for being so curious.. the more u wan to know abt sth.. the more upset i get.. then i cannot slp.. wth... its already in the past.. don dig it out anymore.. just dont.. don find trouble.. live life normally.. but sometimes you just really want to know what happened.. what can i say? maybe its insecurity.. maybe sth else..

sometimes u just wan to wonder why are the things still lying there when they odd to be thrown away.. like some tots... this is the time when u really want to just take an eraser and erase it off.. hais.. my day was pretty good until my curiosity destroyed it... sigh.. i don need a time machine.. i just need an eraser...

oh well.. some things are better left unknown i guess.. hais.. sigh.. nvm.. slp slp slp.. tml will be a better day.. =) don think abt it le.. just throw them away like nth happen.. (: tml will be a great day.. it will be.. haha.. ok timmi.. don think so much.. stop rolling in bed.. its been almost 5 hrs.. go slp now.. good nite world.............................................

.tim

190510 - relax.. let the universal energy flow in you

don get too tense up.. relax.. relax.. don stress so much.. everything has a plan.. just let it flow..

i have a plan for the future.. i know where i wan to be.. i know what i want to do.. i know how i want to live.. and im sure i will get there.. somehow.. i will work hard.. i will.. (: for now... lets settle the little things.. like concert and blah blahs... nus sent a rejection letter.. oh well.. theres many universities out there.. so yup.. nth to get upset abt.. haha.. smile.. ming tian hui gen hao..

.t

170510 - PMSB.

*disclaimer* this post is not for C2

went to the dentist and burnt a hole in my wallet.. but oh well.. as long as it gets better... anyway... yes i am a PMS Bitch... i have moodswings worse then the changing winds.. i pms very day.. every 3 mins my mood change.. deal with it.. u are welcome to walk away from my life.. im a walking time bomb... i will explode anytime.. or for the kids.. my balloon will pop any sec...

===

No promise is better then empty promise..
With promise comes expectation..
With expectation comes disappointment..
Learn to live a simple life, with nothing more then contentment..

its good to stop expecting anything cuz all you get is disappointment...

===

.tim *SIGH*

110510 - the most impt.

no matter what happens.. or how things seem to go against you.. never say no.. never say i give up.. take everything with a smile.. and a good intention.. things will get better... it will.. cuz you have faith.. hope.. and trust.. always look on the bright side of life..

i learnt to appreciate the things and people i have.. b4 i have to say good bye to them.. cuz u nv know what will happen tml.. treasure these sweets while they last.. appreciate them.. and show them you care too..

its been tiring.. my energy level is running very low.. i need a recharge.. soon..

.tim *im willing, are you?*

070510 - the human way.

i have been working.. like a cow.. ha ha ha... for all i know.. i will nv nv nv nv ever treat my employees like that.. i don see them as slaves.. oh wait.. theres only one me.. for 4 dept... wow. and everyone is chasing after me to help them even with the most trival of matters like BRINGING YOUR OWN BOX WHICH IS SO LIGHT I CAN CARRY 4 OF THEM AT ONE GO.. let alone.. pasting 4 sticky board thingy on the wall.. wow.. all i can say is.. i laugh at you.. so useless!

"does our JD including climbing up and down?" i feel like telling tat person.. "does my JD include becoming a bangla? move things.. and also.. THROW UR RUBBISH? and ur fucking heavy things.. haha.. its not light.. seriously.. all u all can do is "xin ku ni le" like wtf? u think we bangla meh? i think my this one colleague very poor thing.. injured her leg.. hope she is ok.. thanks for helping.. even thou it was irritating to ask me to pack and unpack and reshelf.. and move the super heavy things.. haha...

helping ppl is good.. maybe its time to take into consideration my own well being before saying yes.. it is even worth doing it anot.. for this case.. it was.. i just had to.. because im grateful to have a friend like this.. thats why i helped... and yes.. there no inferior motives.

oh well.. what to do.. money is hard to earn.. and i don dare to tell my parents im working this hard.. they would have said.. please don work.. i give u allowance again.. anyway... i have my reasons why i working so hard to earn some cash... ive got a plan.. a plan that i hope will ...

====

i have 1 mth left.. exactly... so fast.. so fast... i tot it would be ok.. but as it draws nearer.. my life has change.. its no longer the same.. this shall post as a challenge for me... and..

====

.tim *im working hard.. so that you can smile*

300410 - WORK AGAIN!?

i realise the definition of "Money very hard to earn ah!" after all the events. theres nth much to do.. so just go find other stuff to work.. but but but.. lols.. some of them are quite demanding.. i mean.. as a HR person, we know that being fair is very important so is taking care of ur employee's welfare.. lols.. some people are just.. "WHATEVER" haha.. but what to do! imagine i tell my dad. he sure go "don work la." he don even allow me to work events.. saying things like don go there and be a coolie and carry heavy stuff.. ur hands not cut out for rough work.. well, at least they don OVERLOAD you.. lols and u have a trolley. =x its ok! this is call training! training to be tough.. i can do this. woo... maybe i shd spend less.. on others and me. lols. bye.

===

its something new. somehow i feel its something good.

cheers.

===

i know some people must be feeling like this song. i dont know wat to do! =(

270410 - i see the true colour

as the cloud grew bigger. you come to realise that “这世上是没有不散的筵席，我的时辰已经， 该是时候接受实施了” you realise the fact but you just don't want to accept it, pretending like nothing happen. well, some stuff i have accepted... it's ok.. fated to be so. it will be so. every relationship has an expiry date, some may last until your death. some only last for awhile.. no matter what it is.. i have enjoyed and i am just gonna rmb it as a happy memory.. 有效期~当你的服务被取代了，你就变得无效了。该是时候被遗弃了。当让，我们应该往好的方面去想。 不是没断交情都喊着不平凡的意图。可是事实就是那么的残酷。

===

my passion. my heart. my soul.

Music has inevitably became a part of my life. no many how harsh the comments are. how challenging it is.. i learnt to persevere. i grew up with music. my life is music. i realise it's just so hard to just abandon it.. i cant. its like my life.. without it. things are so different.. recently i had my graduation day in band. thank you my band.. i realise i really love my band alot. i cant bear to part.. every inch of the room. every cupboard.. every shelf.. i know whats there.. its like my second home.. the piano.. my flute... my chair.. my stand.. my kids.. my frens.. i love it all.. the nice ppl.. and the extremely shitty people.. haha.. thank you for making this expired old man's last day such a wonderful one.. my friend said.. "5 yrs i know you, i've nv seen u shed a tear" and indeed. i was on the verge of bursting.. to think.. im willing to do anything for band.. i've abandon some of my closest friends. my family. my partners. just because of band. some say i am mad.. but that's where my calling is.. my life.. hope to see NYPSO continue to grow and excel. i've brought back 4 certificates as a band member and as a leader.. and i am proud of it.. i am very proud of it. i love my band. soon, it will be my last goodbye.... i'll miss you.

===

the orh ok attitude

i've grew tired. some matters are just really. i give up. i can only go.. orh okay.. doesnt really matter already..

===

.tim *chocolates and cakes and icecreams*

Let Music Heal This Soul

200410 - its a double 1111

last day of work. work was horrible i suppose? its either BORED AND ROT till u cannot take it. or busy till your back gives way... and of cuz you get difficult customers. lets not elaborate. in short. i am damn pissed today evening...

went off to meet my fren for cake and shoot zombie time.. i had fun! venting all the air inside.. woo.. if not i sure explode.. maybe its tat time of the month! haha.. i had cramps (tummyache) for the past 2 days.. and PMS... haha.. siao..

i got to see 2 times.. 1111... once was the balance on my ezlink card! like WOW! and another after i step out of the shower.. double 1111.. do you wonder if its true? you know? i wan to know the mystery behind 1111.. i really want.. till then.. its a good nite.. i am hungry and i am having a bad bad headache...clubcrawl tml! gotta go help.. =( and band.. and theres cough.. how to breathe!

====

i came to realise many things... i wanna give up on the matter.. cuz im tired... u are the one who've got new frens and all.. not me.. im letting it go not cuz its not worth saving.. its because you seem very happy now and it shall remain so.. take care. it was nice having you as a close fren.

====

.tim *you know anot? how much is inside?*

180410 - restless.

work was boring... i am so tired. i couldnt sleep last nite! again.. 4 am.. and i gotta wake up at 6.. =( no internet. no nth.. how to survive the next 2 days! omg... oh well.. tml is a freaking long day. theres work. and band. =( jy timmi...

===

thanks for the reminder..

why do you have to ask me abt it? its been so long... i have already forgotten abt it.. ask ask ask.. thanks for.. for making me think so much.. i am not going to bring anyone back for now.

===

.tim *i wan chocolate! baby, i want to go home*

recharge!

seriously very very tired today... i couldnt even concentrate in band.. i keep playing the wrong things.. oops.. =x however so. i could get to bed.. not cuz i don wan to.. but i just couldnt fall aslp.. ha ha ha. sth is really not right.. oh no.. slpless and appetiteless.. whats next!

===
a little magic. a little miracle.

how would this world be if there were a little magic? would it be used for the better of people or would it be for selfish reasons. nonetheless. you could be that magic. you could use ur magic for the better of others. or the better of urself.

its yours to choose... use them wisely... and when your fairy dust is all used up... others will use their magic to help you.. isnt it wonderful? this world of magic.. the world of love and peace.. if u had the magic.. how would u use it?

.tim *my magic never fails & nth is impossible. so is your's*

140410 - weaken.

feeling quite weak today. like no energy to move.. first time i cant finish my food.. actually, i haven been finishing my food lately.. like half? or 1/3 of it? sth is not right... hmm.. anyway.. timmi! save money ok.. the watch is a want.. not a need.. u have other watches!

i chance upon some random pictures and i started remembering things.. i would really love to not recall them for the moment because today's troubles are more then enough to handle.. don't intend to recall them tml as well because im sure theres more to handle tml. oh.. talking nonsense again.

===

timmi's theory of a support column

many a times i said that every successful man has a supportive partner behind. Because no one can be successful without neglecting another aspect of life. the supportive partner comes into the picture to take care of these neglected aspect.. such as daily chores or even the simplest of things such as food. because the opportunity cost of handling such things urself would mean less time for the bigger stuff.. and of cuz this partner is willing to do anything for him or her just because theres unconditional love.

unconditional love takes patience, trust, tolerance and understanding. each of them can be represented by a column. without it, the structure(LOVE) will crumble.. and so will the the successful man fall.. but yet again. its easier said then done. where do you find this, supportive partner with this unconditional love you speak of?

the ans is . . .

===

.tim *where's my column?*

130410 - tots.

i stepped back into being an active band member today. i like to help out ard. but reminder to self.. "timmi and his golden basin theory" anyway.. MY SECTION PAHSEHED ME! i was like the only flute player there! i leveled up. i was trying so hard to play the right sound! but nonetheless i was overpowered.. woo.. anyway.. i improved. so ya.. good job timmi.. i onli compare myself to myself.. =)

University

many of the rest already have a confirmed place! WHERE's MINE! omg. so sad lo.. like.. i wan go study my accountancy! i wan i wan i wan! tsk.. anyway... wait wait wait. wait. emo liao. bye.

.tim *emo!*

080410 - reflections

a day of reflections. ytd was a mess. i've tot alot.. am i doing the right thing to step in. or shd i let them sort it out.. my time has expired.. is a comeback right? or does it spells disasters.. alot is at stake.. i risked it last nite and i feel the pinch.. yet again.. blame no one. big picture.

today's god msg. is this a sign? maybe i should not interfere.. its not like they cant solve it.. so wats next? more tots.. really a process.. woo. ans.. i need them like now. hmm.

===

*the following comment is a general statement, not directed at any living souls.*

heres another thing i don uds. is this call over protective or wat. but dont i have the freedom to decide wat i wanna do. 20 years. its was so, is so and will be so. i don see a reason why YOU shd feel that way.. Never ASSUME. Never JEALOUS. this is the reason why GOOD INTENTIONS are over-rated. we are afterall friends. i treat every friend the same. i treat my close friends another way. cuz i know they will uds me better and know how i feel. this is why they are my close frens.. im very sure everyone treat their frens differently.. don't think so much.. just enjoy it while we can. life is awesome, only if u make it awesome.

*Disclaimer*

this is a general tot of what i been thru. it serves as a general statement which is not directed at anyone. if u feel offended and feel that this is directed to you, please approach me because i think there's an underlying problem which i may have overlooked. thank you for the understanding as a person and as a friend.

===

就让歌词代替语言吧。

===

.tim *幸福是那么的脆弱*

060410 - reality strikes yet again.

went gai gai with clement... omg! i spent like so much... tsk.. i shd like leave the money at home.. then i wont spend.. lols.. anyway... yea.. nth much liao.. we walk from orchard to haji lane.. ate at aston.. thats all... anyway.. is this shirt nice?

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wake up timmi.. wake up..

.tim *wat is this tingling feeling?*

040410 - happy birthday small one.

today is didi's birthday.. happy birthday small one.. hope u like the present.. 13 yrs old liao hor.. must know how to think.. don always irritating ur brother... haha.. leave him alone.. and ya.. guai guai. study hard.

===

today marks the end of my 2 days work at 50+ expo.. 2 days of hard work.. i lost my voice ytd.. but KESHA got me liang cha and sweets.. woo! u're the best! THANK YOU!!! =) yea.. and yup.. really no time to eat.. of cuz i had some fun here and there.. but its still.. a train of tots rolling off my head.. choo choo....

alright.. i dono wat else to say.. so ya.. byebye..

===

you never knew. you never know. you never.

.tim *sohard.sodifficult.socomplicated.*

i give up.

.tim *lup dup. lup dup. tiiiiiiii*