060210 - God is fair

toilet thinking.. god is fair.. yup! he is.. lets take me for an example..

im ok, quite good looking.

im ok, quite smart.

im ok, quite talented.

im ok, quite successful.

im ok, quite well presented.

im ok, quite well looked upon.

but but but...

wats bad abt me? cuz god is fair.. if u are good in sth, u are bad in others ah.. no one is perfect.. but u can work ur way to perfection. so wat is my weakness? complaisant, weird, moodswing, emotional? haha.. wats bad about me?

i was doing my uni application.. SMU NTU NUS.. i see my grades.. i see my achievements... wa! not bad ah.. thou im like onli 3.448 GPA and the cut off for smu is 3.5, ntu 3.7 but still... not bad ah.. my CCA max already and still counting... 34 pt... but but but.. all these achievements didnt come easy... the hard work.. the blood.. the sweat... the tears.. the sacrifices.. i will work harder.. i will be successful.. my life plans.. my future is bright =) haha.. those who didnt manage to see it.. too bad.. not many ppl have a second chance.. maybe thats why im always too good for anyone.. oh well.. LONER! haha.. okok.. i shd stop.. i shall be patient.. for now.. study la boy..

and darn. i have to go to sch to open some door in the evening tml. anyone wanna date me for dinner? haha... oh ya, reminder to self.. start studying for exams soon.

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flash back flash back

turn back turn back

stop stare stop stare

let go let go

look far look far

when moments turn into memories.. things i will rmb for life... haha.. still clinging i guess

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.tim *if i could turn back time. i would have held on tighter. haha*

tell me how?

skip what happened today. anyway.. gastric pains are kinda hard to deal with.. back to main topic ba... its really not that i force myself to don see you.. its not tat god made it that way.. i am trying very hard.. i am.. its not an overnite thing.. give it some time.. please?

everything seems to come down hard on me.. even the slightest.. if i don even bother.. i wont even ask.. i really dono wat else i can do already.. im really at my edge.. i am trying.. i am... if anyone know how to settle my weakness of being unable to spot things i shd.. please tell me.. oh tim.. oh tim.. maybe.. maybe... i am really tired.. i shall go.

.tim *i could put them into words.. i want to say.. .......................................................................*

030210 - Hilarious much day.

the usual morning routine.. and i will nv wear 3 layers to sch again.. and omg! some girl left her red droplet on the mrt seat! lols! icant stop laughing.. everyone was like.. go there. see then the eewww disgusted face then walk away.. haha! hilarious much! BPO ppt was ok.. first time i don need to ans QnA? but i feel weird.. haha.. cheryl and clement made me so nervous.. cuz we are the first group... and they werent here yet! but alls well..

CNY is around the corner... so i went for a new hair cut.. same style thou.. and recoloured my hair.. I NV CHANGE MY HAIR COLOUR OR STYLE OK! im still quite into my current hair style =) tired much.. i sat there for 3 hrs.. looking after jolie, joanne and erica's laptop.. haha.. happen to see me so they deposit there while they went shopping... tired much i went home after the hair thing.

hungry like mad i had to wait till 8 to eat. and my dad spike my drink and food.. there was wisky in them! omg.. i was so hungry i was like gulping the drink.... then i realise why my coke like leave a warm feeling in me? -.- my dad mixed drinks for me and my mum.. thanks ar.. nv tell me.. knowing i am alcohol intolerant.. i shall not continue on the rest of the nite.. i am plain, really being weird according to many ppl...

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hungry? is it a hunger for food or sth else? can be water u know.. or power.. or frens.. or love.. or even slp.. haha... decifer..

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.tim *My couch feels so empty without u. imy*

020210 - motivated~

the day was pretty much motivated.. lets see.. i drag myself up as usual.. left home damn earli jus to renew my PDL.. YAY! i can drive again.. haha.. went to sch.. i was so earli i had time to print my transcript.. then go photocopy it.. then go certify it.. then photocopy more.. then get some food... then go lecture? omg.. i was DAMN earli.. and guess wat.. i didnt fall aslp during BPO revision lecture! i think sitting near zoe is good... she got the aura that makes me stress.. like OMG.. her pen doesnt stop.. haha.. i shd right?

then came the 3 hr long break. lets see.. ate half a mac meal cuz 1) my double cheese had pickles which i took them out. 2) my fries has salt when i say large fries no salt. 3) my ice tea was rather.. ice water.. siew tai ah? or was it ice tea o? haha.. went to print some stuff again.. then i dono.. tour ard the school? ibrc, print shop. south. ELDC. IB was okok.. but i fell aslp in the end.. sorry ah.. haha.. oh ya! shareen's group! the qn i ask right.. i wanted to ans myself one.. =x oops.. no offence..

off to bring my fren out for icecream which when we arrive, it was close! wTh. dinner and home. and its been projs.. and mini proj till now.. oh.. im such a good script writter.. 1 hr gao tim! yes.. i am back! wooo hooo.. efficient and wonderful me. muacks.. love myself.. haha.. okok.. i shall stop promoting myself.. and sadly.. gastric buddy is back =( i ate ok! why u come find me? tsk.. go away! ok. time to slp.. gotta wake up earli to choose my presentation wear... nites.. timmi continue to smile!

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its hilarious

i was thinking abt the things i did.. and the things ppl are doing now.. omg. i laughed.. like.. why do we like to bicker and make things difficult for each other? like wat i did to shiteng.. lol.. i jus had to right.. cuz i was bored.. alright... no offence.. i'll be nicer to everyone from now on.. wat for make myself upset right? come timmi.. smile! its contagious.. go spread it.. =)

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On this day, God wants you to know...

... that as you surrender to divine providence in your life, you will feel lifted and carried and held. All is well, all is well, all is well.

all is well.. haha! i did a reading just now and i was happi.. really happi.. then fb gives me this.. all is well.. haha.. ok.. tat shall continue to motivate me for now.. =)

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.tim *smile with me. dance with me. sing with me. SMILE OK?! =)*

010210 - Start of something new

today is the first day of feb.. also the 1 yr for my hand phone and also the start of sth new... yup... did project till 8 plus in the morning! omg! took a short nap and woke up to do somemore project... and yup.. to sch to hand it in and do some band stuff... went out for a walk and some food with my friends...

the day past like a daze.. its like u are watching a movie? no tots or actual feelings.. just been living it like an empty shell.. haha.. like wat my fren say.. you are WEIRD! u are exceptionally weird today.. u keep talking but you don make sense.. haha... yup.. u know, an empty vessel makes the most noise.. and these projects are really kind of a killer... i shall not talk abt wat happen but ARGH! i wan to slap u u u u u u u and u... oh well.. live with it.. 3 more projects.. jy timmi.. remember to smile!

310110 - the end of the month and the start of sth new..

well.. the day been pretty much dull.. proj the whole day and really unmotivated... ate super alot.. i don know why.. anyway.. went out at nite... hmm.. can say.. really alot of things happen.. and i dono how to put it to words... an end? a new beginning? oh man.. i can see myself 3 years ago.. me and my ice cube... and its gonna be zombie for the next... i dono.. 3 yrs b4 it happen? or when the sun is warm enough.. tml maybe? anything can happen.. haha.. *but i am still holding on*

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Whats there to regret and blame when it was well spent? i see a lifetime more of happiness =) its my new perspective.. wat i regard as a life.. *yup.. thank you for giving me a life*

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.tim *this space will stay vacant for you for now*

300110 - reflections

a quiet day.. alot of tots.. and reflection.. haha.. sometimes i miss the past... but still.. told myself the future is better! so look forward! today is also a gorge myself day.. kinda ate alot today.. really alot.. whole day.. think so much already.. try to physco myself to think otherwise but nah.. not workable.. my stand still so strong and stubborn.. haha... and do u believe in magic? i was in church.. the usual.. then when i open my eyes.. "1 msg received" =) like magic...

went out for dinner.. =) and its another full moon nite.. full moon!.. many many tots... anyway.. im pressed with deadlines.. 4+1 project.. monday, BPO submission.. tuesday IB! wed bpo presentation. thursday mcad... friday! and monday compen... i am stressed! wooo.... can't wait for all the projects to end!

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like a kid. i do silly things. but the heart is pure. a genuine smile =)
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.tim *i have faith!*

Collection of memories of the week

The Importance of planning for the future

met with whitney's aunt the other time.. and one of her qn is so wat are u planning to do after graduation.. can say.. lucky tat i already planned my life... i could answer.. but then again.. so what about the others who didnt plan.. its not just answering a question but its ur life.. i think whitney's aunt carried herself well.. very professional, very pose.. in chinese.. got 气质.. in whitney's terms.. got 脎气. even in school we learn "Failing to plan is planning to fail" which brings me to my 2nd tot.

The German's way of doing things

germans tend to always plan.. plan A plan B plan C and so on.. why? cuz they wanna make sure everything goes well.. contingency plans.. from young.. i've been taught to do so.. spontaneous thinking.. contingency planning.. things i use to think "wat for.. its a waste of time" but has proven useful in life.

Importance of carrying urself well

first impression counts. alot of ppl say. i don go for looks.. but in real life.. light travel faster then sound rite? u see someone b4 you hear them.. can say, im very vain.. for a reason.. has it done me any harm? no. in fact. its been good. but some ppl made it so -.- meet a lecturer in school tat day... and she was talking abt some HR competition with my classmate.. and she ask. eh, timothy nv join meh? no wonder u didnt win.. u nv ask him to wink at the judges.. i was abit offended.. like.. its been like this for some time.. alot of ppl say.. but i shoo it away like a joke.. but judge for yourself la.. i did my work ok.. i don go around winking to everyone for my grades.. HA HA HA. i am not a HIMBO... WHATEVER la... unimportant tots.

Always look on the bright side of life

even since the creation of http:/timmislife.blogspot.com, how many of u actually rmb this phrase? its been there.. somewhere.. always.. life is full of ups and downs.. many a times... u lost urself.. then u find urself back again.. then things happen that pull u down... its like nv ending right? then u can tell others how to handle but cannot handle yours.. kinda laughable.. i realise this.. and its time i find myself back... the very successful.. smart, talented, well carried. well looked upon.. independent me.. woo.. CNY COMING! i must be ready for the questions abt this apple.. stressed but i will spell it back wards.. desserts...

more recollection when i can recall... that's all for now.. smile timmi

.tim

No Motivation to do anything at ALL!

Ring, Ring.. hello, soul.. time to come home!

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make a guess.

.tim

290110 - gastric?

another long sleepy day. lessons in the morning and yup, fall aslp again.. had super sweet mac breakfast hotcakes.. my fren say if i everyday eat can go chop off my leg already.. but its been some time since the last sweet experience i can recall.. been blunt and bitter.. had a little surprise for halif.. hope u are dam happi abt it! we know u know ah... =)

went MS with st,clement,halif,whitney,cheryl to celebrate halif's bday.. bowling, lunch and movie.. shopped alittle for my stuff.. retail therapy again.. oh man, how long can this last? must solve the root of the problem soon.. if not its like.. dono how say la... we watched "my ex" a thai love horror movie.. it was quite scary in the beginning and wasnt in the mood for it.. wanted to leave but hey.. maybe i can scare some tots away.. but it was more of a gore then scare... i was dam grossed out but the blood.. 1) i cannot tolerate a puddle of blood infront of me.. 2) i cannot tolerate the sight of knifes slicing thru and blood squirting out.. 3) its been sometime since i see someone flying down and blood flooding the road.. all in all... i was more shocked then scared... walk ard alittle b4 goin off.. alot was said otw... alot of tots

went out for a chat with my fren. yup.. feel better in some ways.. and yet... questions in another... my stand is still the same.. but somehow.. its getting more painful in a way.. quite heavy ah.. and oh no. i think i forgot abt dinner.. my stomach is PAIN! and im burping hydrochloric acid with enzymes in them..

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On this day, God wants you to know...

... that there are Divine signs and messages galore if you learn to look for them. What is that song lyric that is stuck in your head? Which book do you keep hearing about? What animal appeared suddenly as you were driving down the road? These signs may be an answer to a question you have. Take the time to unravel the mystery of these messages.

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signs.. read read read.. wat if u read wrongly how? next week is proj week.. i really need to solve this soon.. the final lap.. i can't stumble now.. i can't.. how shd it be approached.. how shd it be solved? nth cant be solved.. nothing such as forgot or nth to say.. excuses.. its a matter of willingness... timmi! u must solve it! don hide in ur shell! but it takes 2 person to solve too..

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.tim *endeavor for logic... seek the t*

i fell aslp on the sofa... and i had a dream..

people say usually, u dream about the thing u were last thinking about b4 u fell aslp.. and suddenly it feels so real.. oh gosh.. maybe this song might help visualize the dream.. maybe i shd go back to sleep..

.tim *i really do*

280110 - mind control

sleepy sleepy long and tiring day. half the time i tried to really listen in class... half the time i fell aslp.. went out for lunch with my classmates and shopped alittle.. cuz my brain was too dead to think.. ate super alot.. home, shopped alone otw home.. took a 10 min nap and went out to the night bazaar by the central..

did stupid and silly stuff today cuz i was sleepy? like running to my lecturer to take her photo in the lecture hall and soon realise it was so dum.. reflects badly on me.. unglam and im so not living up to my reputation.. oh watever.. wat else, i posed stupid ugly post for photos... cuz my soul drifted off..

the whole day have been about mind control.. filtering tots and controlling emotions.. in the end, alone at the bazaar.. i let go.. ha ha ha.. nvm.. tml i will try harder.. good job timmi. tml jiayou.. the moon was my comfort tonite.. shinning brightly, welcoming me home.. the moon.. alright.. back to mind control.. shan't rant again.. i shall "swallow them down" as wat miss tan said...

.tim *i tried to resist.. but i couldn't.. i'll try harder tml.*

260110 - getting the better of me.

time for therapy... don read it if u think its redundant.. i just need to rant.

another day. little slp. rush project onli to know it has been changed again.. now i have to redo it again. =( tired. hr seminar was ok. .learnt sth.. had to trouble to ask ms tan for help with my other projects.. thank you.. band was good.. sounded real nice.. emotional. cuz its my last practice as a band member and a president. the next time i step in, i will be alumni. i want to post abt my 2.5 yrs in band. not now.. but i will.. after these projects.

proj proj proj. tut tut tut... other things... it makes me wanna put my hands up in despair and say.. i really give up.. its the time when i am most emotional and i will tend to be oversensitive and think too much.. for now, i know i will be so.. and i will be grumpy.. just bear with me for awhile.. chinese new year is coming... and its 4 days after my project submission. i really have no time.. give me money also no use... i have no time to shop.. its the time of your life when u say.. i wish there was someone here to accompany you and support u thru all these "shit"... i really dono wat happened to me.. im so damn emotional lately.. wth is wrong man.. wat happen to ME! i know i can do this.. i use to be able to.. i need to find myself back.. thou i still don rely on others.. but like i said many times before.. every successful man has a supportive wife or whoever that person is.. i tired to recall who was this person.. and i have my ans..

im sorry to all my frens if u think i change.. i am no longer myself.. i don mean to walk pass u without noticing u... i really dont. i don mean to ignore wat u said... i really didnt hear.. i don mean to be grumpy or emotional or whatsoever.. just bear with me.. ignore me if cannot stand me... for i am alone in this.. i know.. for now i am.. theres only me left to help myself.. im not being pessimistic.. don rely on others.. maybe this is why i decided to throw my phone. sorry phone.. i don mean to abuse u.. i really am giving up in many aspects of my life.. i said this to someone.. its like the icing to ur life.. it makes ur life nicer and sweeter.. without it, thou its more difficult but u still live.. i am counting down to the day i say. NO MORE PROJECTS! i must bring myself out to relax. if not, who will? those who don uds u and add probs to u and are not impt ppl.. let them go.. u have too much to handle for now.. if they are really ur frens.. they will be understanding enough and will support u... just a willingness issue

i must manage my time. i must manage my derailed life. i must SCORE well for school. i must continue to be a good son. i must and i will. how? i dono, i will fine tune it on the way.. for now.. jy timmi.. u can do this.. yes! after all these. i will buy myself an itouch or iphone as a reward. my self motivational reward. maybe go on a holiday.... save up tim! since u won be hungry when u are stress.. since u have no time to shop for cny clothes. since u have no blah blah blah.. i will stop.

.tim*sometimes i just wish this particular u is really non imaginary and here to support me*

all too sudden

im home now. after so long.

i'll be out soon again.

this day is really.. a day..

cab uncles are vicious.. pretend to be concerned over ur swollen eyes and later short change u.. how vicious.. i have nth to say.. even the cab uncles wan to bully me.. now.. i am beginning to disregard wat you call.. a life..

.tim *its broken.. am trying to mend it but its too broken*

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

where am i now? in school

wat am i doing? cooling down and doing my proj

Why am i here? cuz i ran away.

wat happened?

sth happened which made me unstable and the small one at home keeps irritating me. my aim of going home early today was to do up my projects and keep myself busy and not think about other things that have been haunting me. so finally i couldnt take it and i wanted to ask him wat the prob was that he need to throw his tantrums again. rude as he always is. he scream at me. i tolerated. and it happened again. so this time i screamed. and i decided. i will go out. he slammed his door. i went him and talked to him. and ok. since u don like me to be ard. i shall make myself disappear.

everything in my life is goin fucked up right now. my angel.. where are u? packing my stuff and leaving home, i saw my mummy.. i know she wan me to stay home.. but theres just so much happening within me i think its best for me to take a break.. im sorry mummy.. i know u will be reading this.. sorry for putting u in a spot.. both are your sons.. u love both as much... for now.. let me go.. if theres anything.. jus give me a ring... im sorry...

for the rest of the things happening in my life.. i dono wat to do abt it anymore.. wat ever u wan to do.. i have no say.. just do.. i gave up on my life.. its getting so out of hand. i don know how to solve it anymore... let me drown and be on my way for judgment up above.

.tim *and im still hoping.. will my strong faith bring me light in this dark hr?*

buerbong!

school work is driving me nuts.. 4 projs.. compen, ib, mcad, bpo.... 4 papers soon.. stress is an understatement.. and this is jus about school.. maybe the time has come.. really... please don come.. =( im very tired. but i cant slp. i have to be strong.. i will be.. timmi!

.tim

*for once. i am really wishing very hard.please don fail me.. please.. for once.timmi. control.. don let it flow out.timmi.. be strong.my wish! please come true.. please…*

250110 - Gorge myself day.

have been eating alot alot alot alot lately... began my day pretty well.. i drag myself out of bed and went to sch... to remind myself to be happi, i drew a smiley face on my left palm using permanent marker which wasnt quite permanent. SOQM tut... miss ong mentioned this sentence.. we shd remove all non-value-add activities in our lives cuz theres really no value in doin them.. which is think is quite true.. hmmm...

oh well.. after sch went to east point Han River for steamboat to celebrate ilah's and halif's birthday.. hey ilah! hope u like the present =) halif u wait ah... be patient.. who went? jj, carol, shareen, ilah, halif, lebin, clement, sufri, ST and me. ate super alot.. gorge myself... anyway... thanks lebin for the heartpumping lift =)

headed back to sch.. super tired. slept on the train.. ate half my dinner. band was ok. i shall pract more. headed home. however well the day went.. it ended with a =( maybe i shd tattoo the smiley face on my palm.. or use a more permanent marker.. good nite.

.tim *you are my value add*

240110 - pain!

force myself to wake up earli to go church.. and rest abit at home b4 heading out to get some stuff... yup... I WENT OUT! wat to do.. if i don do it, who will? i am dying of pain right now... and my mummy scold me.. so its pill and bed time... anyway, thanks to the ppl who accompanied me today on such short notice. =)

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On this day, God wants you to know...

... that if you relax, it comes. Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way.

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.tim *can u hear the beat? =)*

240110 - hey boy! take care!

woke up quite earli after trying so hard to slp... renovation at home! omg. laid down.. cant move alot.. eat and eat and eat and eat.. i feel FAT! went off to work... sian, today alot of uncles! but nvm, i had some fun entertaining myself.. and letting them win... 3 hrs none rest standing... when i walk, i can hear the cracking.. haha.. i shd rest soon.. really...

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i read this somewhere on the net..

in order to help others, help urself first.. cuz usually u are more concern of the other person then you will put down ur issues and help.. after some time, u may feel like.. u have alot of probs.. and the other person is always complaining.. u might feel irritated? cuz u got ur probs too.. and the other person is not able to help.. but on the other hand, if u nv say it out, the other person cannot possible guess right? haha... so, help urself first.. just say it out.. cuz its these small things that make u know more abt each other... =)

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.tim *yay, i think u are happy which equals to i am happy too.. yay! =)*

220110 - Clumsy boy

PPT in the morning... i almost lost my finger while making my "tv" and i was nervous while presenting.. i dono why.. anyway... i left my shoes in the tut room! wth.. thanks ks and tiff for getting them for me.. =) gave ilah a mini surprise bday brownie icecream candle thing.

went off to meet yh at 313, made a cake for the 3 girls... had food at swensens which was a horror. really horrible service... OMG! anyway.. i wan eat more ice cream... and sorry tiffany, 1) i spilled water onto her bag. 2)i drop the broacher holder into the food. 3) i drop the menu onto her food.. haha.. im so clumsy today... lastly.. sorry everyone.. i drop half the cake! OMG! timmi! wat happened to u! wake up wake up. walk ard with them... tiff, yh, ks, sh.. till one point, i started to feel uneasy.. then stone.. then dizzy.. then decided.. its time i head home. and the train was pack =(

got home, took a nap.. felt terrible.. and got it checked.. hope everything is fine! i have to survive the next 2 weeks healthy.. after tat.. i don care.. =)

.tim *i did my research = i know how to handle now)*

its a very tiring day, presentation at 8 am later.. timmi don oversleep! jiayou! rmb drink red bull tml.. and plans and plans.. oh~ tired...

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it still leak despite trying so hard to prevent it. "druuup~ one drop, two drop....."

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.tim *Create new moments.*