Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

where am i now? in school

wat am i doing? cooling down and doing my proj

Why am i here? cuz i ran away.

wat happened?

sth happened which made me unstable and the small one at home keeps irritating me. my aim of going home early today was to do up my projects and keep myself busy and not think about other things that have been haunting me. so finally i couldnt take it and i wanted to ask him wat the prob was that he need to throw his tantrums again. rude as he always is. he scream at me. i tolerated. and it happened again. so this time i screamed. and i decided. i will go out. he slammed his door. i went him and talked to him. and ok. since u don like me to be ard. i shall make myself disappear.

everything in my life is goin fucked up right now. my angel.. where are u? packing my stuff and leaving home, i saw my mummy.. i know she wan me to stay home.. but theres just so much happening within me i think its best for me to take a break.. im sorry mummy.. i know u will be reading this.. sorry for putting u in a spot.. both are your sons.. u love both as much... for now.. let me go.. if theres anything.. jus give me a ring... im sorry...

for the rest of the things happening in my life.. i dono wat to do abt it anymore.. wat ever u wan to do.. i have no say.. just do.. i gave up on my life.. its getting so out of hand. i don know how to solve it anymore... let me drown and be on my way for judgment up above.

.tim *and im still hoping.. will my strong faith bring me light in this dark hr?*

buerbong!

school work is driving me nuts.. 4 projs.. compen, ib, mcad, bpo.... 4 papers soon.. stress is an understatement.. and this is jus about school.. maybe the time has come.. really... please don come.. =( im very tired. but i cant slp. i have to be strong.. i will be.. timmi!

.tim

*for once. i am really wishing very hard.please don fail me.. please.. for once.timmi. control.. don let it flow out.timmi.. be strong.my wish! please come true.. please…*

250110 - Gorge myself day.

have been eating alot alot alot alot lately... began my day pretty well.. i drag myself out of bed and went to sch... to remind myself to be happi, i drew a smiley face on my left palm using permanent marker which wasnt quite permanent. SOQM tut... miss ong mentioned this sentence.. we shd remove all non-value-add activities in our lives cuz theres really no value in doin them.. which is think is quite true.. hmmm...

oh well.. after sch went to east point Han River for steamboat to celebrate ilah's and halif's birthday.. hey ilah! hope u like the present =) halif u wait ah... be patient.. who went? jj, carol, shareen, ilah, halif, lebin, clement, sufri, ST and me. ate super alot.. gorge myself... anyway... thanks lebin for the heartpumping lift =)

headed back to sch.. super tired. slept on the train.. ate half my dinner. band was ok. i shall pract more. headed home. however well the day went.. it ended with a =( maybe i shd tattoo the smiley face on my palm.. or use a more permanent marker.. good nite.

.tim *you are my value add*

240110 - pain!

force myself to wake up earli to go church.. and rest abit at home b4 heading out to get some stuff... yup... I WENT OUT! wat to do.. if i don do it, who will? i am dying of pain right now... and my mummy scold me.. so its pill and bed time... anyway, thanks to the ppl who accompanied me today on such short notice. =)

===

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that if you relax, it comes. Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way.

===

.tim *can u hear the beat? =)*

240110 - hey boy! take care!

woke up quite earli after trying so hard to slp... renovation at home! omg. laid down.. cant move alot.. eat and eat and eat and eat.. i feel FAT! went off to work... sian, today alot of uncles! but nvm, i had some fun entertaining myself.. and letting them win... 3 hrs none rest standing... when i walk, i can hear the cracking.. haha.. i shd rest soon.. really...

===

i read this somewhere on the net..

in order to help others, help urself first.. cuz usually u are more concern of the other person then you will put down ur issues and help.. after some time, u may feel like.. u have alot of probs.. and the other person is always complaining.. u might feel irritated? cuz u got ur probs too.. and the other person is not able to help.. but on the other hand, if u nv say it out, the other person cannot possible guess right? haha... so, help urself first.. just say it out.. cuz its these small things that make u know more abt each other... =)

===

.tim *yay, i think u are happy which equals to i am happy too.. yay! =)*

220110 - Clumsy boy

PPT in the morning... i almost lost my finger while making my "tv" and i was nervous while presenting.. i dono why.. anyway... i left my shoes in the tut room! wth.. thanks ks and tiff for getting them for me.. =) gave ilah a mini surprise bday brownie icecream candle thing.

went off to meet yh at 313, made a cake for the 3 girls... had food at swensens which was a horror. really horrible service... OMG! anyway.. i wan eat more ice cream... and sorry tiffany, 1) i spilled water onto her bag. 2)i drop the broacher holder into the food. 3) i drop the menu onto her food.. haha.. im so clumsy today... lastly.. sorry everyone.. i drop half the cake! OMG! timmi! wat happened to u! wake up wake up. walk ard with them... tiff, yh, ks, sh.. till one point, i started to feel uneasy.. then stone.. then dizzy.. then decided.. its time i head home. and the train was pack =(

got home, took a nap.. felt terrible.. and got it checked.. hope everything is fine! i have to survive the next 2 weeks healthy.. after tat.. i don care.. =)

.tim *i did my research = i know how to handle now)*

its a very tiring day, presentation at 8 am later.. timmi don oversleep! jiayou! rmb drink red bull tml.. and plans and plans.. oh~ tired...

===

it still leak despite trying so hard to prevent it. "druuup~ one drop, two drop....."

===

.tim *Create new moments.*

200110 - Check it out...

study and study.. ib and ib.. argh.. and the paper was not tat easy lo... not enough time to do leh... =( and my hand so stiff... i wan buy new pen! those pen suck. cannot write fast fast... and the table so small... =( my neck pain.. ok.. don complain liao... anyway.. i decided to come home to do my ihrm report which yays! i finished it.. next is the ppt.. then im done..

i am stressed! theres still IB to start.. MCAD to start. BPO to complete.. and compensation! alot to do.. i read the info but am clueless how to start.. die die die.. no time no time! kuai dian.. lets finish those proj asap.. my head goin boom boom boom soon. like my ma say, ah boy, study must on some music, so quiet, i see also stress... ah boy, come eat first.. later then do work.. come ah boy drink coke.. come ah boy.... this and tat... oh my ma.. luv u...

lesson at 8 tml.. omg. can it get any earlier? =( and then theres IHRM presentation at 8 am on friday! omg. wear wat? =( so earli.. on a lighter note, 2am got new album, damn nice...

i have 123456789 things to do and say. but i only have 1 mouth.. 1 mind. its when its all tangled up and u jus go erm.... erm... i dono how to say and u just stare and everything seem to be just ok.. suddenly.. timmi jiayou. control =)

===

wish upon the star.

star light, star bright.

you seem so near yet so far.

shinning light, sparkling blink

will you be my guide tonite.

when you wish upon a star.

and give ur dreams a dazzling start

there's hope and faith and trust comes fast

not 2 not 3 but only 1.

wont you come and stay tonite.

.tim

===

.tim *i wish upon the stars*

IB SUCKS... anyway... today is not a good day.. aside from buying my frens yakult.. and going on a retail therapy.. i still boomz.. tml will be a better day.. 7 chapters! i can do this... yes i can.. timmi the great.. nothing is impossible for him.. =) i shall go ice cream after the paper.. im not goin for practice tml.. i shall take a break. after 3 years... time for a nap.

===

mind over matter. positive thinking.

===

.tim *i wan my babyy! i wanna eat chocolate and lollipop and ice cream!*

180110 - a daze

dragged himself out of bed at 7 and headed to sch for a 2 hr tut which he nv listen... got back his SOQM paper and wow.. such a disappointment.. tried to push my meeting forward so tat i could head home and rest.. but nah.. someone was busy.. meeting at 4.. and by the time im done with lunch its already 2.. pointless to head home.. pushed it to 3 pm.. for 27 mins.. pointless.. -.- for wat i go.. do phone meeting la... off to the band room.. lazy to open up, i sat outside and onlined.. guess wat.. i fell aslp on my laptop with my stuff on the table.. alone.. and the construction going on beside me... the noise and stuff.. =\ must be really tired.. dinner tat sucks.. i fell aslp on my waterbottle.. i think i seriously lack slp..

band was emotional.. the songs... i just had to inject so much into them.. where else can i say it out but during music making? the tone and sound tat speaks.. indeed.. music.. and i said tat i will post a long post abt my presidential life.. the 2 years worth of it.. but not now.. once all is settle.. i will.. =) yes, my dear classmates.. i am stepping down already.. don scold me le la.. i know i must study liao.. time to let it go... thanks for being with me.. and udsing me.. thanks...

===

.tim *i must be strong.. i will be brave..*

eyes tat speaks.. the fearlessness.. the courage..

eat eat eat. dwaeji

why haven i been updating? cuz i don have the mood to.. anyway... this few days.. i've been eating alot alot alot.. thinking alot alot alot.. ups and downs alot alot alot... i worked... with uncle aunties surrounding me trying to make me talk to them... "ah boy, u very cool ah, don talk.. like the macau casino dealer" -.- can u just leave me alone? i busy enough counting chips..

the little one skipped sch.. and its like sec 1 January onli lo.. small one, please grow up and start thinking abt ur future.. stop playing so much.. and hogging on TV playing Xbox.. let alone the computer.. study eh... grow up liao.. start tinking!

today is a slp and eat day for me i guess... slp eat tv slp eat tv.. totally no mood for studies.. in the quit sch mood again.. but then, i got motivated somehow.. did abit of my work.. but now.. im down again.. oh.. the ups and downs.. its really these ups and downs... one moment u are ok.. next u are not.. i really dono wat to expect next.. can things please go well for once... please...

===

God is fair

someone once told me tat daddy god is fair.. theres a balance.. like if u are good in sth, u loss out in other.. someone can have looks.. but are not very smart.. i tot thru today.. im not very good looking.. nor am i ugly.. im not very smart, nor am i dum.. im successful in many ways.. but im a failure in many other things... everyone has his strength and weakness.. i won say i am a good president, theres alot of things tat i could have done otherwise alot better.. but ppl only see the surface.. theres alot to it.. its a very stressful post.. and moreover, u have to juggle ur studies too.. many a times i crumble.. many a times ppl say, u don act like ur caliber... many a times, i find ppl who support me.. and ppl who dont..

every successful person has a "behind the scenes person" supporting him or her.. and in return, u support him or her back.. tolerance, patience, love, care... its a mutual understanding.. one tat is so simple.. yet so complicated.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. it takes 2 ppl to maintain.. it takes 2 person to live.. *i am really praying very hard.. i don wan to loose you*

===

.tim *and i try to uds and act on it, cuz i wan u to be happy*

i saw this on disney channel and think its a nice song to share... enjoy..

*for you*

140110 - [ ]

wat a day. 8am lesson. lebin drove us out for lunch.. nice food... thanks! went to NLB to get the CA for compensation project... walked ard alone till i reach suntec half drenched.. =\ my legs are failing me.. tailbone down, my left leg is painnnnnnnnnnnnnful... dinner and walked ard somemore.. walk walk walk... my head was.. aiyo.. don walk so fast... gently walk.. don stomp.. ouch. ouch. ok ok.. walk this way.. siam the crowd..

===

one by one.. they are disappearing... they want to go far far away... reel them back.. reel harder.. too much resistance it will snap.. how how... its just me.

===

.tim

*for you, for me, for us*

130110 - Pillar of support

sch was -.-! i am damn stressed now.. everything in life is going anyhow... its the time when u just want to say.. i give up. do watever u want.. i don want to care anymore.. but i cant.. oh well.. remind me next time not to go home and leave the hse 10 mins later and be caught in the rain.. my head is going boom boom boom... best if i don have wake up tml.. no one cares anyway...

sight reading today.. ok.. my sight reading improved.. but still a long way to go..am i playing for concert? its in june.. am i enlisted already? i dont know a thing abt it.. anyway... i think its physiological but my chest is painful.. ok, im aching everywhere but my chest is pain.. am i like really crumbling already? breaking down.. dying soon... ha ha ha... maybe i just need a breather.. wat do you do when u keep having this nitemare? is it just u think too much or does it really mean sth? its just me myelf and i... so tim, please bring tim for a break.. before theres no more tim..

===

pillar of support

everyone has one or more.. sorry. this pillar is crumbling.. plaster, marble, concrete... whos gonna repair this pillar? whos gonna be this pillar's pillar of support? everyday is jus another day.. nth to hope for.. nth to look forward to.. no motivation.. cuz theres just so much that one has to think about. and its ok. this pillar has decided not to stand anymore.. the pillar has fallen.. who will mend this pillar? one tot too many... maybe.. maybe..

===

.tim

*life has lost its colours.. life has lost its meaning.. life has lost its hope... i really really miss you... =(*

130109 - one tot too many

another Pfft day. i fell aslp on my comp ytd.. and my neck almost broke.. woke up at 648 with the.. EH! wat am i doin here? ehh.. now wat time?.. alot of Qn marks.. this taught me tat.. if i am waiting.. don ever close my eye and say.. 5 mins rest... =/

well.. i went back to slp after sending some sms and i couldnt wake up.. so tired... my dad force me to eat and refuse to send me to sch.. and i was late.. great! so i rush to sch for nth.. then rot for 4 hrs.. so much free time = think alot.. = ARGH! anyway.. thank to the 3 jiejies for keeping me occupied.. lunch at kovan.. nth nice.. =/ back to sch for IB tut.

ib ica 1, i got a B+.. ok la.. im happi liao... wheres my reward! oh wait.. no one will reward me.. anyway.. damn bad mood.. went home and gorge myself.. haha.. and slept on the sofa... woo.. and theres canele cheese cake! cake eh.. i like.. made me smile for 5 mins.. at least i did..

===

look at the mirror.. who do u see? i am so lost.. i need ans..

===

.tim

When You Wish Upon a Star

long time no see... how is everyone? lately alot of things happened... my mind is like boom boom boomz... ha ha ha... anyway... sat went for huifen's 21st.. sunday went for Sparks wind concert..

today i over slept.. presentation at 9am.. i woke up at 907.. damn it! of all days to oversleep.. i overslept on my ppt day... sunday also overslept.. stupid phone.. i wan a new phone.. ARGH! so frustrated eh... omgomgomg! argh.... anyway.. as usual.. things happen.. i learnt to live with it.. im jus a venting machine... oh great... and im aching all over... im like falling apart.. haha.. who is gonna pick up the pieces and put them back tgt?

anyway.. i whine and whine and whine today... and my fren drew me this cuz i said i was hungry and i wanted to eat curry noodles... thank you very much... at least someone made me smile today... thank you.... the others who made me smile.. thank you! =)

OH.. Happy 21st bday huifen.. and her twin.. huiting.. =)

===

When you wish upon a star.

the sky was very very clear tonite... the stars were so bright... i made a wish.. lately, its a 1111 spree... some i watch it pass.. some i made a wish.. there was a period where i gave up on 1111.. but it came back to me.. i even saw a mrt with 1111 on the red line... maybe its asking me to make a wish.. haha... oh well.. i dono wat to expect or think already... what will the next step be?

===

.tim *imy*

070110 - One Down........

MCAD earli in the morning at 8... i was the earliest lo.. wth... anyway.. i think it went quite well... great job team.. =) drift off to timmi's stonning land... compensation.. last min tut plus crapping = saves the day.. sandwich and ihrm tut...... i don even rmb wat was taught.. slack ard.. waited for my fren then went ms for food.. window shop to douby and home.. i am so tired... i fell aslp unglamly in the train... =( oh ya.. why am i coughing? anw, my other fren made me a name thingy.. simple yet meaningful.. thank you very much..

===

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Leonardo da Vinci

===

.tim *as much as i try to hold it back, i just can't*

randoms

a list of wants.. what do i really need? i need you lo

i want a lighter laptop.

i want my Macbook pro.

i want my itouch.

i want a nice bagpack.

i want my new phone.

i want new earphones.

i want more nice fitting formals.

i want a new SCRATCH-FREE belt.

i want my pedro loafers.

i want more T-shirts.

i want my own room!

i need and want you

.tim *slp well*

060110 - ups and downs

i am tired. stressed and irritated... i am so FINE now... i am just going to blurrr everythinggg out...

slept late. falling ill.. lethargic to wake up.. but i dragged myself to sch.. totally disregard my tutor and did other proj during his tutorial.. im sorry.. but i just need to do it.. played the EGG game on cheryl's phone trying to beat lebin's high score.. sorry tutor.. i had to destress myself... abit of proj meeting here and there.. had lunch.. went to continue my proj while doing band stuff... i msut multitask.. if not i feel very uneasy.. rush proj, no mood for dinner.. had a waffle.. and half a iced Teh-C.

band was not bad.. i feel suddenly everything feels so loud suddenly.. but the sounds was ok.. my section was in tune.. i am HAPPY abt it.. ups and downs.. voting today.. i am happy cuz of alot of reason.. im emotional cuz im graduating soon.. alot of ppl are falling sick.. take care and get well soon... at this point of time.. im still thinking of quiting sch.. which is totally dum. will continue to tell myself not to do it.

===

have u ever felt tat someone has become a part of your life tat its sth like u cant live without.. unknowingly you've become one.. simple things such as the way u speak.. the way you present urself.. the little things they do and you do.. even the way u hold the hand rail in the train mistaking it other things.. haha.. honestly, we are always changing.. some influenced by society.. some by the ppl ard you.. what will happen if theres a suddenly switch? a state of shock maybe?

have you ever have the feeling of "i just know your style, wat u're gonna say, blah blah?" jean grey? nah.. its just the special bond and understanding u have tgt.. one tat not all will understand.. or try to understand at the very least..

actually i also dono wat i really saying already.. i have so much tots inside i dono wat to do with them.. can i like poke a straw and let it all flow out?

treasuring

===

i have a ppt at 8am tml morning.. 530 wake up.. now its 230.. and i have alot other stuff to do.. slpless nite again.. and tml is a efffing long day... till 6... oh great... anyway.. this was playing at the aisles of SBM block while walking along it.. tots.

.tim *hey, get well soon kaes*

051009 - First day of school.

oh.. tiring... thou it was just 2 lectures.. seeing my classmates is fun.... all the minor changes.. blah blah... the happenings... haha... the gossips? haha.... hmm.. =) no IB today.. stayed in sch to do proj then had to run some errands.. went shop for my trousers! i got it in the end.. walked a long long way.. tiring.. but the day was pretty much well spent...

===

everyday is a blessing for me. everyday, every moment is worth treasuring.. i will...

===

.tim *hmm.. still the same 3 words for you..*

stayed up to do MCAD ppt.

i am so mentally drained.

cant stop thinking... yet trying to stay strong.

haha... fb and internet.. oh anything to do with web, i HATE you so much.. web communication is EVIL!

my friend said:"you emo until crazy already ar? can feel you are very sad about something yet you are still entertaining me with your jokes.. are you ok?"

i said: "nah, don worry.. im fine (:"

TIME to slp... nitenite everyone..

===

a totally random song playing on my totally random itunes which stuck to my totally random mind. random.

===

.tim *hmmm, nah. (:*

040110 - nature's course

No school today.. did some house chores and washed my hoodies... its so heavy! back breaking in a way.. yet makes u feel happi after u get it clean.. wash the rest of the clothes and finally i decided to wash the blood stain away. after so many mths.. BYE. haha... simple lunch while watching bolt.. the show is cute lo.. went sch for band..

i dono why but i was so DISTRACTED. first i walk the wrong way to the mrt.. took the longer route.. then instead of stopping at serangoon, i stopped at potong pasir.. nvm.. train back to serangoon then i took the train to bartley instead of marymount.. am i dum or wat? sighs. went for supper at popeye's after band and half the time i was like.. staring into space? anyway.. the bus was damn cold.. almost froze to death.

king kong was showing on tv when i got home.. watched it.. nice yet saddening.. anyway. today's god msg is worrying.. ok... fb is like crap rite.. but watever is goin thru my mind.. somehow has some link to it.. am i just thinking too much? somehow i don't know.. i think just let things flow ba.. how its gonna be and the outcome.. let nature take its course... oh.. theres so much tots in my mind its so draining me..

===

===

.tim *faith hope trust. i'll respect the decision. patience. or maybe im just thinking too much*

030110 - "ah Choo~"

today is a ah choo day.. woke up 9 plus lo.. dono for wat also.. church home.. eat slp proj eat slp proj... haha.. glad tat mcad is almost done! yay! and i tot tml got sch lo.. so silly! omg.. tml no sch! yay!! but tues have.. aww... haha... nvm... went out in the evening.. and i fat already.. 2 days ago i tried this trousers and it fits nice but no size! but today i wan go buy the correct one.. aww... can fit la.. but abit too fit.. im fat! omg. had laughs... =) otw home.. this song suddenly came to my mind.. its a very old song.. but its nice...

.tim *사랑해요*

020110 - childhood flashback

woke up so earli in the morning.. and the bus dont want co-operate with me.. work was ok.. did wii station.. haha. i have a few flash back of my mummy bringing me to the zoo when i was very very small... hmm.... kfc and home. overslept and when to my fren's mummy's advance bday party. =) the moon was very very bright and round today.

.tim *really really*

high school musical on disney channel again.

.tim

wee hours.. time to leave the house..

woke up with this tune in my head from the same dream..

.tim

010110 - good start.

happy new year. today's good start i guess... got home real late slept quite alot.. had good food.. helped mummy. bathed and went tree hunting.. i had fun today.. crazi crazi unglamly making a fool of myself on the streets.. how often do i do it? seldom. walk till my legs so tired.. but im happy. the moon was very very round and bright tonite.. at least, it made me smile.

on a side note, gotta wake up at 530am tml! Zzz Zzz. GG. and phone died.

.tim *tell me*

311209 - byebye! Hello!

byebye 2009.

its a year full of alot lot lot lot of happenings, challenges, difficulties... of cuz i rmb all the fun i had.. the laughter the friends.. i made new frens.. i rmb them all.. i lost some frens.. one day i will get them back.. =) and of cuz.. BYE NIGHTMARE! u !@#$%^&.

anyway.. 2010 is here.. its gonna be a great, smooth, happening one.. i know it will be.. i made my resolutions.. =) forward 2010.. yay! simple yet memorable countdown.. actually one of the few i ever attended.. definitely one of the happy happy days.

.tim *=)*

301209 - New Hair? Locked in

went for a haircut today. now i look likeof cuz its the uglier version but in short.. its quite short yet long.. and i think i want it shorter... soon.. soon.. ha ha ha.. anyway.. meet up with my fren and went back to sch.. i told him not to be shocked and he saw me and commented.. u think u korean ar? then i ehh.. no.. i just went there and say i wan a very short hair.. then i closed my eyes.. haha.. anyway.. i was locked up in the sportshall.. like wth? its not even 10 and im locked in... watever. anyway.. i said alot of things today.. can say.. i feel better yet i don feel too good.. like middle middle.. not here not there.. i dono.

i don feel like goin out for lunch outing tml.. maybe i shouldn't... shd i go club tml? ha ha ha.. watever... maybe i shd cut my hair shorter tml..

.tim *not hoping for much. still, i want u*

i boarded the new train.

i saw this on disney channel.

time to prepare. i am GOIN FOR A HAIR CUT! this time for real.

GOODBYE.

.tim

291209 - piece it back tgt

i had popeye's today. =) thank you! Currently sneezing away.. =( anyway. your life. your responsibility. its time to piece it back tgt.. if angel happens to help.. good for u.. if not, u still have to do it.. one challenge, one plus point, one more puzzle piece. paint your own picture.

reminder to self :"don expect anything. anything can happen"

===

faith hope trust. dictionary? brain? heart?

===

.tim *i still cried otw home in the end*

Another day.. Another New Beginning...

was it just a dream or was it all too real?

uncertain of the path. blurred by obstacles..

but press on.. ur pot of gold awaits you.

.tim *ehh! i miss you! so much!*

281209 - drifts

nth interesting today. lunch with sec sch classmate and he was late! headed to sch.. self pract a little.. i think i shall do it more often. band was okay? bro came to help.. thats one thing off my load.. phew.. thanks.. am now home.. eating my cake for dinner. cake is a nice thing.. it makes u smile but ice cream and chocolate still work best...

browse thru my picture folder, fb.. alot of memories.. i miss the holidays.. i miss the old sch days..

===

sometimes u wonder why are u the one doing all these.. its amazing how a tot of it can change ur mood... sometimes u just feel so USED. is this wat they call FFB? oh.. the projects i have to do..

===

.tim *i'm finding my answer*

New Day, New Beginning

Brand new day, Brand new start.

Time to prepare for school.

*My Mask*

its been a roller coaster ride today... im very very tired.. 我真的好累了。。好累。。

tml will be a better day thou i know wat i have to do.. i tried to smile =) i will try again tml..

im tired.. good nite..

tender loving care from up above

some ppl ask me how can u be so nice to ppl who hurt u? i have been asking tat but i dono why.. maybe i just like to do it.. im brought up this way.. tats jus me. went posting letters with mummy.. and she told me this.. which i cannot stop laughing...

"today morning, ur daddy was doin the usual.. smoking at the balcony befor his daily business.. then i made him his brandy creme coffee.. then he said this to me... " wa, (mummy's name), u take very good care of me hor.." then i feel so happy the whole day"

i cannot stop laughing... haha.. its amazing how a small sentence can make someone so happy for so long... of cuz i have my moments. i think its true.. i learnt to do this from up above...

===

part 2

"sometimes ur daddy scold u all for nth rite, is not he want... is cuz he work.. then stress and pek chek... he also don like to scold u all.. he cares alot abt you kids also... see, every sunday.. he will stock up the fridge and cook ur favorites.. so when he is unreasonable.. u all must uds... don get upset... left year in right ear out.."

haha.. its true i guess.. give and take.. try to uds... cuz afterall.. these are the ppl u can rely on... as for ur frens... u decide urself... i always complain alot.. but in the end.. i will do it.. cuz if u can help.. just help.. cuz if u are in need of help.. u wish they will be there for u too rite?

===

every relationship is a dedicate unique balance... give and take.. understanding and tolerance.. love and care... faith and trust.. hope and sweetness... theres so much in it... happiness and sadness.. its part of it... how long it last lies in ur hands.... maintain it...

===

.tim *we will still be as loving if not more loving 1 yr, 10 yrs, 100 yrs down the road.*

271209 - love your enemy

nth much today. went amk for a stroll. theres pop's eye there.. =) currently in a moodless mood as per the last few days. so very sian..

love your enemy.. u must be thinking i mad already rite? nope.. im crazy but i think this is a good idea.. how can u find peace if u urself ain't peaceful at all? no matter wat.. its a vicious cycle isn't it? if someone does sth nasty and mean to you, and u do it back. then that person do it to u again.. then when is this goin to end.. both of u get more and more hurt isn't it? this is one of the reason why sometimes i just keep quiet. its not tat i don't care or im nice to bully.. its just i think its pointless to do anything. ha.ha.

.tim *i want to put tat smile back on ur face again*

261209 - Tuaygi Tuki

rainy cold day. eat and eat. slept alittle. tot alot. watched “妻子的诱惑”.

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watching the DVD, u feel life is unfair. why are there always these ppl. who just wanna ruin ur life. have they nothing better to do? if i could. i would erase them away.. reading some things makes me feel so ??? of cuz im upset.. but im more hurt... u actually wrote tat. and it's pointless to ask u to del it or anything.. wat's happened already happened.. let it be..

time and time again.. there has been many rumors abt me.. scandals.. silly ones.. serious ones.. nonsensical ones.. there was even one abt me quiting sch and migrating. when will they stop? its silly isnt it.. and others actually believe.. i have no comments.

no matter how you feel. happi or sad. angry or calm. u know who will be there for you. deep down inside.. small actions. treasured feelings. only you know. actions speaks louder then words.

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.tim *will u take me on a holiday? away from all these challenges?*

clear the air

cleared with the person.. but then start another tot of mind.. why is tat things like this always happen when a particular person is there? suspicious rite? haha.. yet.. nth is mentioned here. no names were ever mentioned.. =) smile... this particular person. THANKS! u are such a *toot*.

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i have my tots. 1 years ago, u did this..this year, u do it again to me.. just that the other person changed. wat have i even done to u? haha. guess it just pleases u to see me suffer rite... karma ok.

===

.tim

251209 - don't think so much.

241209 - kite

woke up quite earli to prepare some food for sentosa.. sorry for being late.. really didnt mean to.. anyway.. run ard, played. tried to fly my kite but no wind.. aww... overall.. i am happy.. =) had dinner out went home rest awhile and met the rest at cityhall.. again.. sorry for being late.. thanks for waiting.. headed to esplanade to chill.. and i knocked out eventually cuz i was too tired.. cabbed home.. merry christmas.

251209 - don think so much

sent my day at home slping away in the end.. so much idle time = more time to think. which is bad. anyway.. merry chirstmas everyone. =) hope u had a great one.

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wat would u do when u are accused but am innocent? was it just a miscommunication or has the wordS of mouthS changed the whole picture? clear conscious. watever it is. do as u please.

===

.tim

231209 - Tiring!

had project in the morning. chat with jiamin after tat.. haha.. abt band.. and her band seniors.. and my band.. memories... went taka to shop.. wanted to get a wallet but ya... don waste money ar.. my wallet still so new.. haha... travelled ard.. and went back to vch for philyouth concert... its not bad u know... i like 3rd symphony's 3rd movement.. so EMOTIONAL... can feel the emotions building up.. mac and homed.

tml is kite day! yes! and after tat is Esplanade tonning! i have life ok! who wan come? haha. ok.. the current mass convo with gerri, janey, benny, sarri, raywee, jasony has made me all crazy.. who wan join us for tonning sms me! ask me for details. lai.. all invited... its a all merry christmas!

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i realise alot of things today again.. haha.. kite day.. let the wind bring you far far away.. good bye.

===

.tim *umm hmm =D*

GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE

JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

I HATE SCH. I HATE WAT I NEED TO PUT UP WITH. I HATE MY JOB.

GO AWAY. U STUPID IRRITATING IRRITANT.

WTH.

BYE. ASSHOLE

221209 - i feel so N-ed

woke up earli. went for medical. i tot i was late.. so cabbed from queensway mrt.. wth.. i wasnt.. i had to wait so long.. anyway.. went home after tat.. EAT alot and slp... woke up.. went to chinatown with mummy... while exploring the area.. i had a flash back... i use to walk along the linkway between OG and people's park.. last time, theres this toy uncle.. and i always stand there and stare at the toys.. i sometimes miss being a kid.. i want to eat ice cream. i wan to fly kite.

theres alot of time to slp and think today.. it seems like a long day.. and as im blogging now.. i see 1111... oh well... proj tml. concert in the evening...

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R vs PI, when will it all end?

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.tim *staring out. waiting.*

211209 - bad day.

not a good day. my phone kept ringing... its the same old responsibility vs personal interest. and still.. my responsibilities got the better of me.. hais. upset! anyway, went home and ate alot and slept. like a pig. woke up.. drag myself to sch.. set up the band room as usual and i think i pulled my nerve. my should pain =( and i cant reach. oh well.. band was....

up earli tml. travelling to a dreadful place..

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wat else you want? i guess its not time yet... tolerance and patience.. even if it means sacrificing everything else.. hasnt it been like this? i guess tats my life. haha..... when will i finally find my box full of double chocolate hello panda with chocolate cream in every panda biscuit?

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.tim *i am sad but i don wan to show it*

201209 - bye weekends.

zoom. weekends are gone! sat driving.. it was great! everything was quite ok.. except i stalled 3 times.. nah.. nth big.. im confident already! often, we are who we think we are and what we can do. so i shall think tat way =) went home to freshen up b4 meeting halif for jon's xmas.

halif was late! anyway.. he said im a rose in the bed of thorns? o.0 haha... and the you tiao. went to jon's and left after while.. went shopping! i got a new shirt. yays. went out for late nite dinner and home.

sunday.. wa.. woke up damn earli... am so shagged now.. church, lunch. met fian. hello dey, u said 2 lo.. walked ard while waiting, i could even file my nails. strolled from douby to raffles to meet him. i rmb how to walk! thanks to the someone who teach me! haha.. had lunch again at ms which sucked. got some stuff and left for vch. yuhua in concert. not bad. first time thou.. steel drums were interesting. waited. dinner at macs and home. last train last bus. i was lucky today. =)

.tim *i am willing. my glimpse of sunshine*

181209 - GG SOQM, Holidays!

Lesson at 8! omg. imagine dragging urself to sch.. i slept 3/4 of the train ride.. i slept standing up -.-.. anway, not many came.. thanks ms tan for the hashbrown and laugther.. =) lecture ended at 12. studied in the library. did some band stuff.. and ya.. here comes the paper... and i was so tired and pfft.. didnt study much... wa... the things i study nv come out leh.. the things i didnt came out.. omg! first time spot wrong qn.. maybe too tired.. GG, maybe a 60%? sadded.

rush to finish up my band worked.. then left to celebrate jolie's bday in advance.. woo.. time to save! getting tight.. but yay! hols are here.. on the bright side.. i can have a break.. time to let go abit.. time for a break.. =D study.. rmb.. study.. driving tml morning! last lesson! then goin to my fren's place for advance xmas in the evening. wonder who i will meet there.. haha. yup.. tiring day.. slp earli. new straight soft bed sheets! thanks mummy!

.tim *Jiayou! you can do it! i'm here, supporting you all the way*

==

its time to let go. its time to loosen those tense muscle. its time to wash it off. time to be like the little kitten. smileeeeeeeee. =D

171209 - part 3

long long day. having slept for less then 4 hrs. dragged myself up for the 8 am lesson.. everyone was still slping when i left. =( i want to say. attending miss tan's lesson was not bad.. at least it puts my mind away from other tots for tat period.. and i can just laugh it off.. im sorry i had to leave the class to do band stuff again.. i'll arrange a better system.. tml theres a ms tan's laughaton session at 8 tml.. i shall go.. and pull my mind away...

decided to skip MCAD lecture again.. went home.. took a 10 min nap.. and got summon to pass the key... and i was late to meet my fren... sorry.. had a few laughs with everyone b4 goin our seperate ways.. Ramdan was pretty amusing.. miss the show.. went for another one.. had prata and cake b4 that.. chocolate =) thanks for the company.. the day was full of ups and downs.. ended in happiness. =) thanks.

theres a test tml.. and guess its gonna be a long day. got shit to clear. had to sacrifice celebrating ppl's bday. wow. R vs PI.

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manage my thoughts. =)

==

.tim *the present*

161209 - watiting.

compensation paper in the morning.. pretty ok.. my gastric pains almost killed me.. had double patty straight away after the paper.. supposed to have a meeting but the subject wasnt ard.. went to class.. whitney and cheryl started taking pic.. so ya, join in.. bpo tut, who's listening again? haha. TEP awards.. its boring. lame. whats the use of the cert when so many ppl have it? relative worth.

waited in sch till abt 6 to have a short meeting over a specific subject matter.. saw yh while waiting so sat tgt to chat and catch up.. started thinking lot and ya.. swing swing... well.. the needle is found. and i had a moment of truth. so now how am i goin to progress... am i supposed to be on 24/7 standby? erm, reality check, i don stay in NYP hostel. ummm.. dono la dono la. otw home, war brewed in thou skull. alot alot of tots. my decision is this for now. for the better. its time. so much to decide. i have my tots.

i am having a prediction. it feels logical and real. hoping it will not happen just will not work.. taking too much precaution may back fire.. contingency plans. you just have to trust! i keep telling myself tat. and i will continue to do it. for the better. =) action speaks. others can feel.

test on friday. 5 lectures. all the best. good nites.

.tim *smile*

151209 - Emo-tional. bye IB.

i am doin wat i can do already. its not like i don wan to help. i HAVE been doing alot of things. i go back to that dark room hoping it will appear. i really wonder.. who might be doing this. you hate me so much ar? thanks ar. even if its personal, don drag other ppl into the picture la.. -.- ok. i shall not assume anything.. but but.. its not funny lo.. during this test and project week.. u have to leave the class to do stuff, ans phone blah blah blah.. its not fun at all.. oh where oh where.. oh where might thou be.. please come back.. i am giving myself a time check. i am washing my hands.

on the other hand. bye IB. had to live on mentos jus to get myself hyper.. -.- sorry girls, i know i crazy.. i shall not scream and shout and jump ard for no reason.. haha.. Ms Ang said my group's topic was good in a way and bad in a way.. bad cuz for 3/4 of it she was thinking abt the link.. cuz its abit bias.. WHO ASK SOUTH KOREA TO BE SO SUCCESSFUL? haha.. lucky she said, the conclusion was good.. i phew on the SPOT. at least its done and over with for now.. thanks for the red tie.. it breezed me thru the ppt..

compensation ica1 tml. shdnt be too bad since the focus is clear lect 1-5 mcq, 3 casestudy.. should be able to =) i shall eat my chocolate. and look for my lollipop. and hide under my blanket to study. =( umm.. moody~

.tim *faith*

141209 - irritated

topic 1

today is an irritating day... stop askinggggggggggggggggg... i am doing wat i can already... give time can? hello? i still got sch can. i know u need the tings. but wait la.. there's a certain reporting process we have to follow. be patient abit can? ok.. i am so wanting to wash my hands already. tsk. i have ppt tml! how to have meeting.. argh... and im the last group, sure overrun.. i don want! slice me into 2 la.. half ppt half meet. =.=

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topic 2

i am disappointed in u. to think u shd be more matured. but u are not. althou im not the main subject matter.. but wat i feel is, omg. u are such an idiot.. i wan to wake u up.. but i dono how. maybe u might not agree with my tots.. but u are a guy. do the right thing la...

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topic 3

some ppl are so childish. no balls. no nehs. not happi come la. don do it behind. got prob don wan solve.. then still ACT frenly.. HAVE A STAND CAN? keeping quiet doesnt mean i dono.. doing nth doesnt mean im letting u step over.. like i say.. im neutral.. i let do wat pleases u.. step over and i'll retaliate..

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topic 4

am i too nice? a stranger on the street asked me for money to take train... and i gave.. he look decent, maybe he lost his wallet or wat... oh well... anyway, when ppl need help.. i always try go and help.. when i need help? how many ppl will help u? onli i know who are my supportive frens lo.. don worry. i wont forget u.. i said this since pri sch.. and i will say it again.. u nice to me, i nicer to u.. u bad to me, i evil to u...

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i ha ice cream cake.. yum yum.. hee hee.. =D walked ard.. and i finally got tat box! i am clearing those things away... ummm.. enough for the day.. tml will be a long day. hais. jy!

.tim *faith hope trust*

131209 - mind control

today's a bored bored bored day... i slept alot.. at least, i caught up with slp.. i clean the hse.. and did my project... i haven study thou... haha.. my table is still half packed.. omg. i am so lazy can?! had yong tao fu for lunch and for dinner.. not bad.. today i got family day... at home.. its been awhile since we sat tgt to eat... haha... but but but! i wan eat ice cream.. i wan eat chocolate.. dark chocolate! i wan eat laksa... i wan new earphones.. i wan my ipod touch... i wan new phone.. i wan more clothes.. i wan this i wan tat.. its endless rite.. haha.. okok... im fine with them or without them.. most impt.. i know i have someone i can always depend on.. =) tats all i need.. rich or poor, i am still like this... happi =) materialist me has been replaced.. cuz cuz.. =) shhh...

anyway.. my needle is still missing.. irritating leh.. appear leh... dear ghost of G301, i think u had enough fun... next time then play can? thank you.. and and.. aiyo.. stop asking le la.. i explain until i give up... i say i will update once i get any update... and i don like it leh.. don ask me to do stupid things can? not i selfish or wat la but you are so irritating can... give me a break la... i am so wanting to wash my hands in the golden basin... 2 words for u. irritating irritant. ha ha.

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happy also one day, sad also one day... u choose.. its the way u see things.. open up and see beyond ur sight. hear it, feel it, taste it. there more happiness ard then you think there is. smile.

==

.tim *i want u more then anything =) with u, im the happiest guy on earth*

busy busy slpy slpy stressy stressy

the past week has been, TIRING! but quite fruitful. =) i had fun in the midst of all these stresses. 3 papers for the week. IHRM, okok.. =) BPO, after 5 hrs of muggin in the library. okok. MCAD - cant be bothered. problem!

i've been falling aslp everywhere i go.. haha.. and clement slps with his eyes open.. scary right... lebin knows it best. busy week... but i enjoyed it.. it was fun.. thou stress.. had fun bitching ard with my lecturers and classmates... takes the stress away for awhile.. let alone my wonderful frens who accompany me thru the long stressful nites.. great company. great food. i am happy.

upcoming, tuesday IB ICA1, wed COMPEN ica 1, friday SOQM ica 1 and SOQM project survey. monday driving test. tue medical. we MCAD proj... i am quite packed. hold on tight.. its gonna be a tough ride.

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you are too much. finding a needle in the haystack. i am gonna wash my hands in the golden basin

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.tim *u make me smile*

one big thank you.

Concert is over. =) thank you one and all for all ur efforts and dedication. thank you to my frens for being understanding during this period. thank you my friends for helping me when i need you most. thank you for putting up with my nonsense. thanks. one big thank you! =) thanks.

upcoming. testS. project. driving test. open house. im taking a 2 weeks break from band to focus on sch work. after tat. its back to band.. jan will be crazy.. its major projects month. oh man.. when can i get to enjoy my fast few mths in sch.. haha...

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i have lotsa tots running in my head now.

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.tim *i'm adapting*

i am goin crazy. ahh!

concert tml.

.tim *imyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimyimy! iwyiwyiwy*

坏人

.tim *sighs*

坏人

.tim *sighs*

maybe i have given up

everything is not going too well.. i have ran out of motivation for anything already... im just gonna do wat i need to do.. one person.. selfish.. well.. no one cares anyway... 5 projects.. 1 test.. tell me wat to do... lost, fragmented. maybe i have given up.. its ok... no one cares.