161010 - the OOC Cadet

i fought my way into ocs.. wanting to be an officer.. to make a difference in my life. and to make my parents proud. first day into training.. my knee hurts.. 2nd day.. i reported sick.. 84 days of RMJ.. its omg. now im pending to be out of course.. there's many uncertainties in my mind.. what is going to happen to me now.. is my knees ok? i lost my chance to be a commander.. i cant make my parents proud by becoming an officer.. so much.. while everyone is doing PT. im here.. waiting.. so much time to think about things.. too much time..

i really want to stay on.. but i guess i cant.. 6 days has past but i feel like i know them for some time.. don like to keep changing places.. one of my fren told me he wont forget about me.. but. BUT. look at what happened... haha.. i told him.. go into army.. be gone and forgotten. he said no.. he will rmb me.. but where is he now.. oh well.. i gave up my happiness and future to someone.. and yup.. its gone now..

feeling so emo now.. if i can slp and not wake up.. maybe i will..

.tim *yet again.. i regret letting you have my happiness*

as much as i hate u. i don hate u too.

as much as i wan to say. i don wan to say too.

happy jiu hao =)

bye everyone.. hope i sleep and nv wake up..

if ever i do.. see u all next mth... pfft

.tim *i don wan to! but do i have a choice?*

081010 - Update~

POP lo! its been awhile since i updated.. there's just no timeeeee... anyway... POPed at marnina floating platform on 021010.. first batch.. quite happy.. the 24 km march was killer... i is shag. haha.. blisters and everything.. but hey! i survived! bye BMTC... bye tekong!

and now posting is out

1.	You are posted to	OCS (ARMY WING).
2.	Your vocation is	OFFR CADET(CBT).

haha... im now an officer cadet trainee.. good or bad? 9 mths is not very short.. the training will be so tough.. will i be able to survive it? yes i can.. nv say die.. so i've gotta report for duty on monday.. 111010.. by 8am.. wow.. and its like at SAFTI MI.. which is at jookoon?! wtf.. quite very far ya... and ive gotta bring all my rubbish! the big big duffle bag with all the rubbishhhhh.. pfffft... so heavy... and 3 weeks confinement... will my hp last???? omg.....

.tim

170910 - Shag Cannot Think?

last week was PRETTY much exhausting.. lots of combat training! omg! feels worse then doing normal physical training lo.. martial arts is tiring! pffft! none the less, i know how to fight now. and theres this sickening 16km march.. the road WAS SO FREAKING ROCKY and steep. no wonder its call rocky hill.. haha.. low in spirit but i past thru it.. i survive.. no matter how shag u are.. there's others who are more shag then u. do ur part. help yourself by helping others.

so little admin time! there's pretty much alot of stuff to do.. had band audition on wed, guess it wasnt really great but hey, i tried.. haha.. =) can go jiu go lo.. cannot go jiu go other place lo.. i miss playing in the banddddddddd... somehow..

2 weeks left.. =) well.. aside from army.. i think i am pretty much stupid.. im like purposely giving up on a certain situation which i know i have an upper hand. and by doing so, hurting myself and hurting others.. so am i dum or wat? my bunk mates said: "why u so quiet lately, u and ur sian face.. expressionless" i can only smile back.. oh well.. i hope i made the right decision.. ok la, i know i very bad, i nv ask for opinion and i decided the solution.. but hey, im trying very hard to make sure u're better off.. so ya. haha! aiya.. all i wan is u to be happy. thats all.. don ask abt me.. im self sufficient as usual.. gonna sign on anyway.. sooner or later.. and get stuck inside.. and have lots of money with no where to spend.. and probably retire early and travel ard.. or i can jus bring it all to my grave... lol.. sounds like a tragic story.. yea.. thats my lifeeeeeeeeeee. i is a unwanted! HAHA! aiya.. u happy can already.. i also dono wat i will do..

where's my next stop gonna be? hmm. wonders.. with an open mind, the options are limitless.. 来去如风。。 永别了。朋友。

120910 - its a waiting game.

woo.. all my key events are gone! lets see.. did i talk abt my field camp? oh nvm.. lets continue with SIT test.. yea.. a group of abt 16? goin on missions.. using our innovative minds to solve problems.. haha.. interesting ya.. my group was great! love them.. can see that we have lotsa co operation from the 2nd day.. great work! and thanks ONG! for keeping me company if not, i would have been pretty much zombified..

after that was HAND GRENADE! was alittle nervous cuz its quite dangerous? but after awhile, u get used to it.. haha.. the C4 was awesome! but i wasnt there to witness it.. but, i could feel the impact from 200m away.. wow... interesting experience.. nice..

ippt - i missed it.. cuz i was on att B.. oh well.. next one is 20 sept! silver! i must.. jiayou!

now that all the key events are gone.. its quite kinda sian in a way.. u wan it to end faster.. yet u feel that u might miss the carefree times u have there.. your bmt frens.. ur commanders.. good or bad.. they have been with u for the past 3 mths.. it was a great experience ya.. haha.. 3 more weeks.. aww... its like a waiting game.. whats after that? command school? OCS/SCS? or unit? i dont know.. its like u are so anticipating it.. but u just wont know until a week after pop.. sians.

so whats left now? games day.. i joined volleyball! cuz i wanted to accompany my buddy.. but wait! he is on 8 days mc! omg... =( Get well soon man... and wat else? SOC! stupid SOC.. totally hate it.. if only i can just don take it.. aww... sians to the max... i wan to go shopping! i need some retail therapy.. its like im so sian inside now.. my face's like growing longer.. everyone keep asking me why i like so emo.. nah.. im not.. im just sian.. haha.... oh well.. 3 WEEKS! AHH!

no more out field... haha.. bye trees.. hello flowers..

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everyone is falling ill.. knee problem.. eye infection.. blah blah.. i hope everyone stays healthy! just 3 more weeks.. lets pass it safely.. ping ping an an de guo.. oh ya.. did i mention.. im rather disturbed lately.. i just want some peace............

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byebye! book in lo

.tim

090910 - content.

a job i have to complete. silly? stupid? it doesnt really matter..

the last note.

choosing to sleep all day long is unusual.. or is it? thinking? avoiding? running away? or just facing the music.. up to u to decide.. music it is.. the last note was played.. and the end has come. hate it, love it? up to u to decide.. the time will come.. one day..

signs.. it wasn't untold of.. no excuse.. no reasons.. unprepared? prepared? so shag.. it doesn't really matter.. selfish.. selfless.. so tired.. enough is said.. nothing was said.. ambiguous.. crystal clear.. who really understands? it doesn't really matter..

*a fermata too long*

140810 - sit back.

yet another week has gone by.. this week was quite shitty as usual.. lets see.. i had my ippt and i was FAULTED for 1 chin up.. if not i would have passed.. but i ain't gonna fight about cuz i know myself.. a pass is not good enough.. so tim shall continue to work harder.. yup.. =)

and there was some field lesson.. and i feel my knees and elbows a goner.. but wait.. there 6 more days of these.. haha.. did i talk about the wonderful green and black watermellow on my face.. its giving me a break out! omg.. save me.. oh well.. next week marks the start of a six day "whatever u want to call it" its gonna be fun or a torture? it depends on how u see it.. so just Sit Back and take it as it comes..

about everything else.. i guess i shan't pursue on things which i can't commit or watsoever u call it.. and other things... i did my part.. if u want to be stubborn.. so be it.. and something else.. forgoing one self's happy for another's, is it dum or is it "blah".. seeing other ppl happy makes u happy also.. so yup.. stop saying im dum.. thou i know im gonna get bashed up somehow or rather.. it does really matter.. i couldn't care more.. and wait.. i think i signed on a piece of paper which says i might want to continue my career in the army.. what was i thinking.. apparently.. many things... so thats about it for now..

.tim

Picture of you, Picture of me,

That's when moments turn into memories...

080810 - yet another mth has past...

yes.. yet another month has past and now i'm in my bmt stage... abt 2 more mths to go.. always want to blog but just don have the time to... anyway... a few main things... i just spoilt my laptop! haha.. the L key came off.. and also.. im so tired of all the shit... i am shutting myself off... and i think i am stupid or sth... why am i helping? and later clear all the shit and attitude thats thrown onto me.. haha.. dum rite.. i could have just ignore them all.. its so hard to be frens nowadays.. its a good thing im going into the jungle for 2 weekends.. good bye world.. maybe i will miss u.. maybe i might decide to stay there forever..

oh anyway... last week was all abt my rifle and shooting... i got marksman.. but nth big.. so many other ppl got it too.. and im still aching from it.. haha.. and the best thing is.. I LOST MY WALLET!! WOO!! it goes to show how much im hating this life.. haha..

abt friends.. true frens understands u.. frens dont.. how much time do u actually have to stare at the phone.. u can never confirm.. cuz its not like u have a choice.. ppl say when boys go to army.. they change alot.. now i understand why.. its not really their fault.. its also not the frens' fault for thinking they changed, its just a different world totally.. i have this army fren who would talk all nite long and still wake up to train.. i wonder how he does it... anyway.. it doesnt really matter.. i've tried.. but it takes 2 hands to clap.. it takes 2 people to maintain a frenship.. its sad to say.. i have lost faith in this world.. this cold sick selfish world..

yea.. toot toot toot.. yes im swearing.. but i shall control =) bye!

***SO BE IT***

.tim

its been 1 month (:

hello everyone.. how are you! the kid is back.. yes.. i've been wanting to update but cant think of what to say.. so what has been happening in my life? lotsa water drinking.. lotsa physical training.. lotsa emoing and self de-emoing... its been a mth.. what's my feelings abt it.. hmm.. get it done and over with.) im living a day at a time.. i am training to the fullest.. so i gain from it.. since i've no choice but to live thru it, why not give it my best.. nth but perfection.. yup.. tired and shag.. worn out and torn apart.. but still.. i've go on.. cuz time waits for no man..

this 1 mth.. i realise alot of things.. like friends.. tolerance.. patience.. support.. yup.. i've reach the state i can live without my hp. one by one.. poof.. haha.. haha.. haha... route marches.. sing alongs... team bonding.. going thru shit tgt.. and also enjoying ourselves to the fullest with limited resources... someone literally drew out the chinese chess thingy.. the grid and the pawns.. thats how desperate for entertainment we are.. but its fun.. (: having so much time for myself.. i could think thru alot of things.. really alot.. i am not emo nor am i happy.. im just stagnant (: calm.. and composed.. in the end.. what really matters? this is how much u can do.. that is how much one can receive and absorb...

gonna go back on sunday! yea~ -.- im neither looking forward to booking in nor booking out.. haha.. just living it a day at a time.. just 3 more mths.. and off to where-ever i may be.. with my rifle and my bubby and me e e.. oh no, the tekong hits are stuck in my head now! thinking soldiers.. yup, i think alot..

.tim *flip thru the pages of life.. i realise (: thanks... those who made a difference in my life. a, s, m, l and my bunk mates.*

army

goin in soon.. mixed feelings..

take care everyone..

see u in 2 weeks..

trust?

i need to learn how to trust. sometimes its very difficult, you cant force urself to trust and respect others just like that.. its built~ i have 6 days left... if i still cant trust, i dont know how things will be.. it will be bad.. i guess... time and time again.. we talk abt things.. and the next day, its like nth happened.. its kinda tiring thou.. so much happening at this moment.. and time and time again.. the promise was broken.. i am starting to speculate.. i dont know how things will be during the 2 weeks...

i guess i need a miracle...

.tim

290510 - a bad day

unexpectedly. caught off guard.. i've lost my bestest frens.. i guess its ok.. i have myself to blame.. thank you for all you have done for me.. i really appreciate and enjoy being ard u.. sorry for the unhappiness i brought to you.. i can only wish you all the best.. take care.. stay happy and healthy.. i'll miss you.. as my fren.. as my close close close fren...

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how many are considered your true fren? treasure them..

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.tim *i'm refraining myself from laying my hands on that silvery shiny thin piece of thing*

260510 - its been draining..

i need a sanctuary to heal these wounds..

to regain my trust and confidence..

to renew my faith..

to paint my rainbow.

to genuinely smile.

.tim *will you make me smile?*

sometimes curiosity is bad

sometimes i just hate myself for being so curious.. the more u wan to know abt sth.. the more upset i get.. then i cannot slp.. wth... its already in the past.. don dig it out anymore.. just dont.. don find trouble.. live life normally.. but sometimes you just really want to know what happened.. what can i say? maybe its insecurity.. maybe sth else..

sometimes u just wan to wonder why are the things still lying there when they odd to be thrown away.. like some tots... this is the time when u really want to just take an eraser and erase it off.. hais.. my day was pretty good until my curiosity destroyed it... sigh.. i don need a time machine.. i just need an eraser...

oh well.. some things are better left unknown i guess.. hais.. sigh.. nvm.. slp slp slp.. tml will be a better day.. =) don think abt it le.. just throw them away like nth happen.. (: tml will be a great day.. it will be.. haha.. ok timmi.. don think so much.. stop rolling in bed.. its been almost 5 hrs.. go slp now.. good nite world.............................................

.tim

190510 - relax.. let the universal energy flow in you

don get too tense up.. relax.. relax.. don stress so much.. everything has a plan.. just let it flow..

i have a plan for the future.. i know where i wan to be.. i know what i want to do.. i know how i want to live.. and im sure i will get there.. somehow.. i will work hard.. i will.. (: for now... lets settle the little things.. like concert and blah blahs... nus sent a rejection letter.. oh well.. theres many universities out there.. so yup.. nth to get upset abt.. haha.. smile.. ming tian hui gen hao..

.t

170510 - PMSB.

*disclaimer* this post is not for C2

went to the dentist and burnt a hole in my wallet.. but oh well.. as long as it gets better... anyway... yes i am a PMS Bitch... i have moodswings worse then the changing winds.. i pms very day.. every 3 mins my mood change.. deal with it.. u are welcome to walk away from my life.. im a walking time bomb... i will explode anytime.. or for the kids.. my balloon will pop any sec...

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No promise is better then empty promise..
With promise comes expectation..
With expectation comes disappointment..
Learn to live a simple life, with nothing more then contentment..

its good to stop expecting anything cuz all you get is disappointment...

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.tim *SIGH*

110510 - the most impt.

no matter what happens.. or how things seem to go against you.. never say no.. never say i give up.. take everything with a smile.. and a good intention.. things will get better... it will.. cuz you have faith.. hope.. and trust.. always look on the bright side of life..

i learnt to appreciate the things and people i have.. b4 i have to say good bye to them.. cuz u nv know what will happen tml.. treasure these sweets while they last.. appreciate them.. and show them you care too..

its been tiring.. my energy level is running very low.. i need a recharge.. soon..

.tim *im willing, are you?*

070510 - the human way.

i have been working.. like a cow.. ha ha ha... for all i know.. i will nv nv nv nv ever treat my employees like that.. i don see them as slaves.. oh wait.. theres only one me.. for 4 dept... wow. and everyone is chasing after me to help them even with the most trival of matters like BRINGING YOUR OWN BOX WHICH IS SO LIGHT I CAN CARRY 4 OF THEM AT ONE GO.. let alone.. pasting 4 sticky board thingy on the wall.. wow.. all i can say is.. i laugh at you.. so useless!

"does our JD including climbing up and down?" i feel like telling tat person.. "does my JD include becoming a bangla? move things.. and also.. THROW UR RUBBISH? and ur fucking heavy things.. haha.. its not light.. seriously.. all u all can do is "xin ku ni le" like wtf? u think we bangla meh? i think my this one colleague very poor thing.. injured her leg.. hope she is ok.. thanks for helping.. even thou it was irritating to ask me to pack and unpack and reshelf.. and move the super heavy things.. haha...

helping ppl is good.. maybe its time to take into consideration my own well being before saying yes.. it is even worth doing it anot.. for this case.. it was.. i just had to.. because im grateful to have a friend like this.. thats why i helped... and yes.. there no inferior motives.

oh well.. what to do.. money is hard to earn.. and i don dare to tell my parents im working this hard.. they would have said.. please don work.. i give u allowance again.. anyway... i have my reasons why i working so hard to earn some cash... ive got a plan.. a plan that i hope will ...

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i have 1 mth left.. exactly... so fast.. so fast... i tot it would be ok.. but as it draws nearer.. my life has change.. its no longer the same.. this shall post as a challenge for me... and..

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.tim *im working hard.. so that you can smile*

300410 - WORK AGAIN!?

i realise the definition of "Money very hard to earn ah!" after all the events. theres nth much to do.. so just go find other stuff to work.. but but but.. lols.. some of them are quite demanding.. i mean.. as a HR person, we know that being fair is very important so is taking care of ur employee's welfare.. lols.. some people are just.. "WHATEVER" haha.. but what to do! imagine i tell my dad. he sure go "don work la." he don even allow me to work events.. saying things like don go there and be a coolie and carry heavy stuff.. ur hands not cut out for rough work.. well, at least they don OVERLOAD you.. lols and u have a trolley. =x its ok! this is call training! training to be tough.. i can do this. woo... maybe i shd spend less.. on others and me. lols. bye.

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its something new. somehow i feel its something good.

cheers.

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i know some people must be feeling like this song. i dont know wat to do! =(